I watched the fan again, but just for a little because watching the fan is boring. It spun on the ceiling, as it is made to do.
Confirmed.
But the fan is more intriguing than it lets on. You see, it doesn’t push the air around. It sucks it up or something. It pulls it into a tank in the base and distributes it into the ceiling where it’s completely useless.
But it does spin. And boy can the motherfucker go fast. I’d leave it on the high speed but I’m afraid of heights and the consequences.
Eventually, it might yank the unit from the rest of the building and we might fly into space where I’ll never have to see this shitty planet or myself in one of this shitty planet’s mirrors ever again.
But on the low speed it’s just awful. I can barely feel the ventilation. The room is warm with my body heat and the fan does nothing to stop it. I think it’s just for show. It’s a really boring art installation, if that’s what they were going for.
The sticky human warmth pours out of me like sad light. It feels like a jungle in this fucking room.
I wandered around aimlessly today, pacing around this small space 20 times over on the balls of my feet. I could have been a ninja (as I’d planned when I was a kid) were it not for the layers upon layers of fat hiding my true form or my shitty lungs or my lack of motivation to perform any sort of physical activity.
I don’t think I ever could have been a ninja.
She made me open the windows, because that’s what she does, because she likes the outside like some kind of freak.
I could hear every fucking sound in the world despite my fourth-floor location. A dog barked. Some guys talked. Some other guys talked. Then another pair of guys, this time in a different language. Either that or they were mush-mouthed lizard people.
50 or so planes (give or take 46 — more take) passed overhead. I closed the windows.
With the windows wide, I’ve gotta talk low because I know that everyone below can hear all the dumb shit I say. I’m too afraid of what people think. Or am I really just afraid of what lizard-people think?
The most important part of my day certainly was realizing that we are all just distracting ourselves with a variety of ephemeral activities in an attempt to forget our final destination until we pass on into that abyssal dimension.
I ate a cookie, too. The beer is getting too repetitive.