by admin | May 10, 2022 | Umbrographic Archive
I am a flying Trappist monk. I’m in charge of brewing beer while hanging on very thin ropes. It is not necessary for me to hang on them, but then I wouldn’t be “The Flying Trappist Monk” if I didn’t, and I’d be out of a job. I don’t get paid, but I do get housing and...
by admin | May 10, 2022 | Umbrographic Archive
One arm of sinew and fat lifts a stick with an insanely heavy sphere on each side. If you tried to lift them, you’d lose your hand and your ability to do simple arithmetic. But me? I’m a strong man. I do it all the time because it’s my job. I don’t get much money from...
by admin | May 10, 2022 | Umbrographic Archive
I heard that, to make laugh tracks sound like people actually laughing at vapid jokes, they put lightning rods on the backs of giants that walk along the floor of our universe and — when they catch a rare interstellar bolt of black lightning (not body wash for black...
by admin | May 10, 2022 | Umbrographic Archive
It could have been a tin can but it was most likely someone crossing the street. I probably couldn’t see them because they were cloaked with nightfall. I look into the rear-view mirror, barely having felt a thing. Tin can? Person? Tin Can? Person. It was a person. I...
by admin | May 10, 2022 | Umbrographic Archive
I’m not sure exactly how it works, but apparently there exists a mesh of hemp that is waterproof but see through. It is a window made of a plant. And if I were to talk about it on the corner of Mills and Colonial, someone might turn to me and say, “Yeah, man, that...